Until The Day I Die
by theceruleanstar
Summary: Cartman and Kyle would never admit that they could feel anything but hatred for each other. Will it take a near-death experience to bring them together? CartmanxKyle Slash. Rated T for language and because it is South Park, after all.
1. Chapter 1: Here We Go Again

Hey everyone! This is my first story, so I'm reallyyy nervous. I hope it's not too cliché or boring. And I want to give a special shout-out to ChapeauVert, Onigiri Reject, and TripleS-18 for writing such amazing CartmanxKyle stories and inspiring me to attempt my own. Thanks guys!

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"Fuck you, fatass! I hate you so much, you have no idea!" Kyle screamed in a rage that had obviously been building up for days.

Cartman opened his mouth to respond with one of his usual witty retorts, but Kyle had already stormed off. For once in his life, Cartman was utterly perplexed.

"All I did was call him a stupid Jew, just like everyday. Why the fuck is this any different?" Cartman wondered aloud now that he was alone since Stan and Kenny had run after Kyle.

Although Kyle always had some sort of angry response to Cartman's endless tormenting, he had never flipped out completely over one of Cartman's more trivial comments. This was new and Cartman wasn't sure what to make of it.

"If only you knew, Kahl. If only you knew."

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Once he had managed to escape Stan and Kenny, Kyle locked himself in his room. He appreciated his friends' concern, but he just wished they could understand that he wanted to be alone right now. What had come over him? He always prided himself on being a rational person, but his recent outburst at Stark's Pond was anything but rational. If he was going to get so worked up over one of Cartman's offensive insults, why didn't he wait until Cartman said something more, well, intense? Kyle had to admit that it was odd that Cartman had simply settled on "Stupid Jew." He hadn't even added a "fucking" in there for emphasis. But perhaps the most confusing thing to Kyle at the moment was why he even cared so much. Didn't Cartman insult him every day of his life?

_Why am I so upset over this? Why does it matter? I just… unless…._

Before he could stop it, sudden realization came crashing down on Kyle. And whether he was willing to admit it or not, it was a realization that he had been suppressing for years.

_No…! I can't be. That's impossible._

Some would call it denial, but Kyle would call it common sense, seeing how something like this was totally unrealistic… right? He tried to shake the thought from his mind, but he couldn't seem to fight it.

_Holy shit. I'm in love with Eric fucking Cartman._

Immediately it all made sense. Why he felt so hurt by their pointless banter. Why he shivered uncomfortably whenever Cartman made any physical contact with him whatsoever. And most of all, why he hated the way Cartman treated him, yet couldn't bare the thought of Cartman not acknowledging him at all.

This was bad. Very bad. Even if Kyle could admit his feelings to himself, he could never _ever_ tell Cartman. The reason for this was quite simple…

"He could never feel the same way," Cartman said to Clyde Frog.

Clyde Frog appeared to have no response to this statement.

"'Ey, don't call me a dumbass, you stuffed piece of shit!"


	2. Chapter 2: Get Me An Exit

Yayy I finished Chapter 2. Thanks for you all for the awesome reviews and for favoriting my story. You have no idea how much I appreciate that. ^_^ Also, I realized that I forgot the disclaimer at the beginning of the first chapter, so I'll put it here and it will hold true for all future chapters: I DO NOT OWN SOUTH PARK. Anyways, I know this chapter is kinda choppy, but I'm trying to incorporate everyone's points of view and sort of set the tone for things to come. The upcoming chapters will be more interesting, I hope. xD

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Kyle woke up at the same time he did every morning. He put on the same hat and jacket, ate the same breakfast. But this was not like every other morning, no matter how precisely he duplicated his daily routine. Because this morning, he would have to face Cartman with the knowledge that everything he said to him from now on would be a lie. And Kyle Broflovski was a terrible liar.

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Eric Cartman, on the other hand, was the exact opposite. In fact, he was quite proud of his gift for twisting the truth. And unlike Kyle, Cartman had confronted his feelings a long time ago and had mastered the art of "faking it" around Kyle. Or so he thought.

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When he arrived at school, Kyle went straight to his locker, making a conscious effort not to make eye contact with anyone. He deemed this a necessary precaution since Cartman could appear anywhere at any time. Cartman did have a habit of doing that. As Kyle was unloading his backpack, he felt someone tap his shoulder. He turned around reluctantly and breathed an immediate sigh of relief when he saw that it was only Stan. The relief, however, faded quickly once Stan started talking.

"Dude, are you okay? I called you last night to make sure you were alright after you ran home, but you never called back."

Kyle paused, scrambling for an excuse. "Well, I, uh didn't want to bother you. Isn't Sunday always your movie night with Wendy?"

"Kyle, that's been on Saturday night for years."

"Oh. Right," Kyle shrugged. "I guess I got confused."

Stan let it go, but he knew Kyle well enough to know that he wasn't that forgetful. There was something else going on here, but Stan decided that interrogating Kyle wouldn't help matters. Stan was confident that Kyle would tell him when he was ready. They were Super Best Friends, after all.

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Eric Cartman was a lot of things, but stupid was not one of them. Therefore, it didn't take him long to notice that Kyle was going out of his way to avoid him. Cartman didn't like this. At all. And by lunchtime, he was completely consumed by worry, one of his more rare emotions.

_What if Kyle has finally had enough? What if he's fed up with my verbal assault and has decided to never speak to me again? Jesus Christ, what if he KNOWS?_

Cartman forced himself to snap out of it. These hypothetical situations were getting him nowhere. And where was the subject of his thoughts anyway? Cartman lifted his head and glanced around the cafeteria. Only then did he realize that he was the only one sitting at their usual table. He quickly spotted Kenny across the room flirting with a group of five girls. And there were Stan and Wendy sitting at a small table in the back.

"Freakin' hippies," Cartman muttered to himself.

Now that his other friends had been accounted for, he returned to the question at hand: where was Kyle? As much as he wanted to stay and finish his Salisbury steak, Cartman's curiosity got the best of him and he began to wander the halls aimlessly, looking for Kyle. He didn't even realize how much time had passed until the bell rang for class. But Cartman didn't feel like going to math class today and he figured he wouldn't be missed. So in one swift motion, he snuck out the back door of the school. He was about to look for a comfortable place to sit down when he heard a series of short, stifled sobs coming from around the corner.


	3. Chapter 3: Head On Collision

Okay so here's Chapter 3. Sorry it took so long, I've been so busy lately. Thanks for all the lovely reviews of the previous chapters. You guys rock! ^_^

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Cartman recognized these sobs. These were the very sobs that had once brought him great joy, especially when it was he who had provoked them. But at this moment, Cartman felt a pang of something in his chest and he knew it wasn't joy. Joy wasn't supposed to hurt. And as he turned the corner, he expected to see Kyle sitting in the snow crying quietly.

What he didn't expect to see was Kyle lying face down and sobbing heavily _into_ the snow. He had been using the snow to muffle the sound of his tears.

"Kahl?" The name escaped Cartman's mouth before he could stop it.

Kyle pushed himself up to look in Cartman's direction. The water from the snow had been mixed with the tears running down Kyle's cheeks, so Cartman couldn't be sure how much Kyle had actually been crying. But he could guess that it had been a lot.

"What do _you_ want?" Kyle demanded.

Cartman could clearly tell from Kyle's tone of voice that he was the last person Kyle wanted to see right now. And he was partially right. He _was_ the last person Kyle wanted to see right now, but for quite a different reason than he thought.

"_Well_?"

The sound of Kyle's impatient voice reminded Cartman that he had yet to answer Kyle's previous question.

"Well you see, Kahl, I heard you crying over here and—"

"Since when do _you _care if I'm crying?"

Cartman had to admit that Kyle had a point there. This was not to say, however, that Cartman didn't have a response to the question at hand.

"Since this time it wasn't my fault, Jew!"

And Cartman meant it. He liked to think that he was the only one who could evoke such pain in Kyle. Someone else making Kyle cry like this was just not right.

"Who said it wasn't your fault, fatass?"

This caught Cartman off guard. So off guard in fact, that he forgot to remind Kyle that he wasn't fat, just kind of big boned.

"What the fuck, Kahl? I didn't even do anything this time!"

"Exactly!" Kyle regretted the word as soon as he spoke, or rather, _screamed_ it.

_What am I thinking?! If Cartman didn't have a clue before, he has to now._

Kyle never did learn to stop overestimating Cartman's ability to perceive the emotions of others. But the tears were flowing freely now and he no longer made an effort to conceal them, even as Cartman was quickly approaching him. Kyle instinctively backed up until he was standing in the middle of the road in front of the school. By now, Cartman had stopped walking and was lingering on the curb.

"Jesus Christ, Kahl! What the _hell_ is—"

"Fuck off, Cartman!" All the bottled up emotions that Kyle had been feeling over the past few days were released in those three words that he had been saying almost every day of his entire life.

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Cartman heard the truck before he saw it. And he dove into the road before he actually thought about what he was doing. It was the fastest he had ever run, the fastest he had ever jumped. But as he learned in Gym class in the First Grade, he could never be fast enough.


	4. Chapter 4: As You're Falling Down

Sorry for that cliffhanger on the last one. I hope I didn't make you guys wait too long. School is crazy and I have college applications to do. x_x Again, I'm so sorry for the slow updates. Thanks for sticking with the story and being so patient!

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_The pulse. I need to find the pulse. Where the fuck is it? C'mon Kyle, please!_

And then he found it. After squeezing Kyle's wrist for what felt like an eternity, Cartman found the weak, faltering beat. The beat that gave him the confirmation that he was so desperately seeking: Kyle was alive. Unconscious, but still alive. Still breathing, albeit barely.

The truck had obviously been speeding. It was almost as if the driver had mistaken the small street for I-80. Although Cartman hadn't been quick enough to push Kyle completely out of the way, it was quite clear what would have happened had he just stood there. Eric Cartman had saved Kyle Broflovski's life. For the third time. And it was safe to say that Kyle still had no idea who his rescuer was the day he nearly died from the smug in San Francisco or who resuscitated him in the Pentagon after Manbearpig attacked him.

"Kahl? KAHL!" After he was sure that Kyle was most definitely unconscious and couldn't hear him, Cartman lifted Kyle's fragile body into his lap.

"I really hate you, you know that? But please Kahl, don't fucking die. I will not have your goddamn Jew blood on my hands!"

_Why is it always me who has to save this asshole? I wonder what he'd say if he knew it was me all this time? I could just tell him now while he can't hear anything I say…_

Cartman looked down at the nearly lifeless figure in his lap and noticed that Kyle's expressionless face was covered with wet splotches. Cartman slowly reached up to touch his own face and it was only then that he realized he was crying.

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(Cartman?)

The sound of the muffled voice coming from behind him shocked Cartman so much that he dropped Kyle as he spun around.

"Goddamn it Kenneh, you poor piece of shit! You made me drop him."

(Why were you holding him to begin with?) Kenny inquired.

"He got hit by a fucking truck!"

(Jesus, is he okay?!)

"Of course not, dipshit! He got _hit_ by a fucking _truck_."

(But that still doesn't explain why you're holding him.)

"Did you think I was just gonna leave him here?"

(Yes, actually. I wouldn't have expected any—wait, Cartman, are you _crying?_)

"What? No! I just… where the hell did you come from anyway? Weren't you just having lunch?"

(A piece of plaster from the cafeteria ceiling fell on my head about halfway through the period. It sucked ass because I was just about to ask Bebe out. Or was it Heidi? I can't remember. But don't try to change the subject. You are definitely crying and you have dirt and gravel all over you. Wait a minute. Cartman, did you push Kyle out of the way?)

Cartman knew he was trapped now, but he still tried to cover for himself.

"Why the fuck does it matter, dickface? Can we just get him to Hell's Pass or something? I don't want everyone to come out and think that _I _killed the damn daywalker."

(Holy shit, Cartman! You _did_ save him, knowing that you could have died yourself! I always knew you secretly lov—)

Cartman interrupted Kenny before the dreaded sentence could be finished.

"JESUS CHRIST KENNEH, WILL YOU FUCKING LISTEN TO ME? I need you to follow my directions very carefully. I'm going to call 911 and then I'll go back inside. You wait here for the ambulance. When it comes, go to the hospital with Kahl and wait there until he wakes up. When he does, he is going to be all nosey like the Jew he is and ask you lots of questions about what happened. You are to tell him that he and I were arguing and he ran into the road just as I went back to class. You had just fallen back to Earth, so you saw it all from a distance. Just as you were walking toward Kahl, the truck came out of nowhere and hit him. Then you called 911 and brought him to the hospital. Got it?"

(Pretty much. As long as I don't die along the way, I should be able to pull it off.)

Cartman angrily whipped out his cell-phone and began to dial.

"Kenny if you screw this up, so help me JESUS, I will fucking kill you, asshole!"

(I'm not very intimidated by my own death, if you haven't noticed.)

Cartman was now completely out of the little patience he had left.

"Just go! He's still bleeding and that's only going to make things worse. He already took my goddamn kidney, I'm not giving him my blood too."

(Okay, I'm going. But I just have one question, Cartman. What if… what if Kyle _doesn't_ wake up?)

The two boys just stared at each other for a minute before Cartman finally broke the silence.

"I said JUST GO!" And with that, Cartman stormed off toward the school.


	5. Chapter 5: Hard To Say

Hey guys! I'm trying to make these chapters a bit longer. They always seem longer when I write them, but then I post them and they look so short. That probably has to do with the huge margins here, which I could probably change, but I don't feel like messing with that right now. So anyways, this is Chapter 5 and I'm amazed at how well this story is being received. A very special thanks goes to:

Onigiri Reject for checking out my story and giving such great feedback. I assume all of you here are already reading her amazing story "Don't Suck My Balls." If you're not, please do so immediately. You won't regret it.

Bethany C. MacKenzie for her compliments and constructive criticism that is helping me become a better writer.

911girl for encouraging me to continue this story when I was unsure about how I was doing.

And TripleS-18 for being my very first reviewer and sharing my love of CartmanxKyle.

Also, thank you to anyone else who has read and reviewed this story. Your reviews are what keep me going here! I've been talking way too much now, so I'm going to shut up and let you read Chapter 5. xD

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By the time Cartman reentered the school, it was already 2:50. There was no in point in going back to class now. Not that he had been planning on it anyway. The news about Kyle would spread fast and although Cartman was sure that Kenny would keep his secret, he was still worried about his involvement being exposed. But that was far from the worst-case scenario since it would be irrelevant if Kyle didn't wake up. Because if that should happen, Cartman knew it would be all his fault for upsetting Kyle enough to run off in the first place and then for not getting to him in time. And as much of a selfish asshole as Cartman was, that outcome was not something he could live with. He was positive that he couldn't exist in a world where Kyle didn't.

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Kenny somehow managed to make it to Hell's Pass in one piece and was now sitting by Kyle's hospital bed watching the lines on the monitor and trying to ignore the steady beeping that reminded him of Kyle's current condition. It was 3:15. Kenny knew the others would be here soon, primarily Stan. He would come bursting through the door any second, demanding an explanation. Too bad he would be getting Cartman's bullshit lie instead. Kenny seriously wished that Cartman would just tell Kyle the truth. It would save everyone a lot of trouble. Except maybe Kyle. Because no matter how much Cartman secretly cared for Kyle, Kenny was positive that Kyle did not return those feelings. It was obvious. Kyle hated Cartman. Period.

Kenny's train of thought was suddenly interrupted by the rustle of bed sheets as Kyle shifted his position. Then his eyes fluttered open.

"E-Eric?"

Kyle's voice was almost inaudible, but Kenny immediately recognized the name that had been spoken.

_Kyle thinks I'm Cartman?? He must not be able to see clearly. And since when does Kyle call him Eric?!_

Kenny knew he should try to bring Kyle back to reality, but he was just too curious to let it go. Kenny took his hood off and cleared his throat, preparing to do his best Cartman impression.

"Yes, Jew?"

"Am I dead?"

"Yes, Kahl. This is heaven."

Kenny had no idea where Kyle was going with this, so he did his best to play along.

"Then why are you here?"

Kenny struggled to stifle his laughter on that one.

"I should be asking you the same thing. Jews don't go to heaven."

"Yes we do…"

Kyle's voice began to trail off. Assuming that he was slipping back into unconsciousness, Kenny decided to take a chance. If Kyle was seeing Cartman then that had to mean something, right? This was way too weird and Kenny needed to know for sure. Plus, he was banking on the fact that Kyle wouldn't remember any of this if, and when, he woke up for real.

"Kahl?'

"Yes, Eric?"

"Please don't die."

"Why would it matter to you?"

"Because… because I…." Kenny couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence. He knew he shouldn't be messing with Kyle in his current state even if things were just getting interesting with this hallucination. Kenny was about to tell Kyle who he really was, in the hopes that it would bring him back to consciousness, but Kyle spoke again before he had the chance.

"Just tell me you love me. I don't care that it's a lie, I just, I just want to hear you say—"

Suddenly the room shifted into focus for Kyle.

_Wait a minute, this is Hell's Pass. Why am I here? What the hell is going on? I need to get back to school._

Just as Kyle was about to stand up, he felt himself being tugged back down by machine chords.

_What the…? What happened to me?_

Then his eyes fell on Kenny, sitting on a chair adjacent to the bed. His hood was off and there was an expression of complete and utter shock etched on his face.

Kenny immediately put his hood back up in order to hide his facial expression, even though it was obvious that Kyle had already seen it. He didn't want Kyle to think something strange was going on because he certainly had no intention of reminding Kyle of what just happened.

"Kenny, what's going on? What happened? How long have I been here?"

Kenny now had a decision to make. He could tell Kyle the truth, which might actually work out for Cartman, considering the things he'd just heard Kyle say. Then again, Kyle had been completely out of it, so the hallucination was probably totally insignificant. So Kenny decided it was best to stick to Cartman's original plan.

Kenny watched Kyle's facial expression change from surprise to hurt as he finished the fake story.

"So Cartman just left me there?" Kyle's voice was quivering slightly.

(Not exactly. He left before the truck came.)

Kenny was doing his best to defend Cartman, but Kyle didn't seem to be buying it.

Before Kyle could respond to Kenny, the door to the room burst open and Stan ran in with Cartman trailing behind.

"Holy shit Kyle, I heard everything! Are you okay? I'm so glad you're awake. Wendy went home to bake you some cookies, so she'll be here in a little while."

"Stan, calm down. I'm fine, I promise."

Kyle smiled at his best friend. That was so like Stan, to come running in, out of breath, and start bombarding Kyle with questions about his wellbeing. And baking was so typical Wendy that Kyle couldn't help but laugh a little. However, his expression hardened when his eyes panned to Cartman standing awkwardly in the background.

"I can't believe you, Cartman. You're not even going to apologize, are you?"

Cartman's head snapped up at the sound of Kyle's harsh voice.

"What the hell are you talking about, Jew?"

"I'm talking about how you fucking left me in the middle of the road! It's your fault I'm here right now and you know it!"

And Cartman did know it. He knew it all too well. But it wasn't as if he was going to admit it.

"Well I didn't think you'd be stupid enough to just stand there forever! So yeah, I guess it _is_ my fault for overestimating your intelligence."

Kenny sighed. He knew he had been right about Kyle's hallucination. It was meaningless. Probably just a side effect of all the pain medication the doctors had given him. But Kenny still couldn't help feeling the slightest bit unsure when he remembered the passion with which Kyle had said Eric's name.


	6. Chapter 6: Shiver

First off, I would like to thank ayafangirl for being such a great reviewer and taking the time to read my story. You're awesome. ^_^ About this chapter: if anyone is confused about the shivering thing, go back to Chapter 1 because that's where it was first mentioned. It will be important later.

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Kyle slipped in and out of consciousness over the next few days before his condition finally stabilized. He had been hit on Monday and the hospital had agreed to discharge him on Friday, as long as there were no further complications. Today was Thursday. Stan stopped by everyday after school and sometimes Wendy and Kenny came too. As much as Kyle loved his best friend's company, there was someone missing. Someone he hadn't seen since Monday. Kyle wanted Cartman to come in and give him a sincere apology for just leaving him out there in the road. He considered it a good thing that he couldn't remember it clearly because the clear image of Cartman's uncaring face as he walked away would only have added fuel to the fire of Kyle's temper.

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Kyle may not have seen Cartman since Monday, but Cartman had seen Kyle everyday that week. He was very careful to only come in the room when Kyle was either sound asleep or in one of his now less frequent periods of unconsciousness. Cartman would sit in the same chair Kenny had and just watch Kyle lie there.

But today was Kyle's last full day at the hospital. All the painkillers would wear off soon and he would wake up for good. Cartman knew this would be his only chance. He needed to know for sure that Kyle was actually going to make it. Cartman never trusted doctors.

He tiptoed over to the bed and looked down at Kyle's sleeping form. Cartman couldn't help but laugh a little when he noticed that Kyle was still wearing his trademark hat.

_That fucking stupid hat. It's probably permanently glued to his head._

He cringed at the thought.

Cartman saw Kyle's chest rising and falling periodically, but that wasn't the sign he was looking for. Slowly, Cartman lowered his head until it was resting gently on Kyle's chest. Cartman couldn't remember the last time he had done _anything_ gently. Although he preyed off the vulnerability of others, the concept of his own vulnerability frightened him severely. However, he breathed a sigh of relief upon hearing the steady beat of Kyle's heart. But this moment of peace did not last long. Cartman suddenly jolted upright as he felt and _saw_ a violent shiver course through Kyle's small body.

_What the hell? Why is this Jew always so goddamn cold? _

Cartman pulled the hospital blanket up to Kyle's neck, quietly snuck out of the room, and bumped right into Stan.

"Cartman? What the hell are you doing here?"

"I was just, uh, you know, checking to see if the Jew was dead yet."

Stan folded his arms across his chest.

"I'm not retarded, Cartman. Maybe a year or two ago I would have believed that, but I know what really happened."

Cartman froze.

"What the hell are you talking about, asshole?"

Cartman made a mental note to beat the shit out of Kenny later. Who else could have told Stan? Kenny was the only one who knew.

"Don't play dumb, Cartman. I know it was you who saved Kyle from the truck."

Upon seeing the anger in Cartman's eyes, Stan quickly added,

"Don't worry, Kenny didn't tell me anything. I figured it out on my own."

"Stop protecting that poor piece of crap! I'm gonna kick his ass! He swore he would never—"

"Cartman, I'm fucking serious! I figured it out by myself! I mean, Jesus Christ, it's not that hard. Look at you! You're covered in the same scrapes and bruises as Kyle. Plus, Kenny's story just didn't make sense. You would never walk away from a fight. Especially not one involving Kyle."

"Goddammit, alright I saved him! But only because I need someone to fight with. Life is too boring otherwise." As he said this, Cartman did his best to shrug nonchalantly.

However, Stan wasn't finished.

"Yeah well, this got me thinking about the day Kyle mysteriously returned from the smug storm in San Francisco completely unharmed. And the more I thought about it, I—"

"Shut the fuck up, Stan! It was for the same goddamn reason! I didn't do it for Kyle, I did it for me!"

"Cut the crap, Cartman. We both know why you did it, even if you're not willing to admit it. Just do me a favor, okay? Please don't hurt him. He's my best friend. If you're not serious about this then just walk away now."

"What the fuck do you mean by that? I don't really… He doesn't even…."

But Stan was already inside Kyle's hospital room, waiting for him to wake up.

So Cartman walked away.

He walked away because it was all he knew how to do.


	7. Chapter 7: It's Not Your Fault

Sorry this update took so long! I had a pretty bad case of writer's block, but I think everything is coming along now. xD

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Kyle had never been happier to wake up in his own bed. He surveyed his room, making sure everything was exactly as he had left it. It was a relief not to have to spend the weekend in the hospital. He hated the puke green walls and the way the air seemed to smell like death, whatever death was supposed to smell like.

He had arrived home on Friday night, but had fallen right asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Now it was 11:00 on Saturday morning and Kyle was debating whether or not he should actually get up.

_Shit. I have to go back to school on Monday._

This reality was incredibly unappealing to Kyle at the moment. He hated the thought of everyone staring at him and random people awkwardly asking him if he was okay. Stan would probably shoo them away eventually, but then there was still the Cartman issue.

_Cartman._

Kyle couldn't even think about him without remembering how Cartman had abandoned him. Deep down, Kyle knew it wasn't Cartman's fault. It was his own fault for being stupid enough to stand in the middle of the road in a town like South Park. But Kyle didn't want to admit this because the truth was that he wanted Cartman to feel bad. He wanted Cartman to apologize. He wanted a sign that Cartman cared even the slightest bit about him.

Yet Kyle knew this was wishful thinking. Cartman was a cold, heartless bastard and that was all he ever would be. Kyle was sure of it.

This was, however, one of the few times in Kyle Broflovski's life when he was dead wrong.

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On Monday morning, Cartman took his time unloading his locker. What was the point in rushing when it just meant he would have to get to class sooner? He had just put his Biology book away for the seventh time when he realized that someone was talking to him.

"Um hello, Cartman? Did you hear anything I just said?"

Cartman turned his head to see Stan standing beside him, waving a hand in his face in order to get his attention.

"Um, not exactly."

"I asked you if Kyle was here yet."

To say this struck a cord with Cartman would be an understatement.

"How the fuck should I know?"

"Well, I just thought that since the lockers are alphabetical by last name that you would have seen him come in if he were here."

"Listen Stan, if you say one fucking word to him about wha—"

"Relax, Cartman. I'm not going to tell Kyle anything. As much as I think he should know, it's not my place to get involved. It's up to you to tell him."

Cartman was about to say something in response, but stopped short when he caught a glimpse of a green ushanka out of the corner of his eye. Peripheral vision was probably the only thing that Cartman had ever been thankful for.

By the time Kyle had reached the lockers, Cartman had decided he should move on to a different textbook.

"Hi, Stan."

Kyle greeted his best friend with a smile and without so much as a glance in Cartman's direction.

_Is he… is he fucking ignoring me? That Jewish asshole! I nearly died saving his goddamn life and this is how he treats me? So what if he doesn't know, he has no right to act like I don't even exist!_

Cartman knew that if he wanted any reaction from Kyle at all, he would have to act fast.

"Well hello to you too, Jew."

Kyle clenched his fists at his sides ever so slightly, but made no move to look at Cartman.

This was not the reaction that Cartman had been counting on. Therefore, he found it appropriate to slam his locker and stalk off without bothering to put the rest of his books away.

Kyle did not appear to be at all phased by this sudden outburst and continued emptying his backpack.

Stan, on the other hand, simply could not ignore what had just taken place. He wasn't shocked by Cartman's behavior, but rather by Kyle's.

"What the hell was that, Kyle?"

"Just Cartman flipping a shit per usual, I guess."

Stan shook his head.

"I'm not talking about Cartman. I'm talking about you. Why didn't you even acknowledge his presence? I know you hate him and all, but you usually at least pretend to be civil until he says something to piss you off."

"I don't see why I should have to acknowledge him at all when he seemed to have no problem ignoring me when I was about to be killed!"

"Kyle, he left before the truck came. Kenny has been over this with you. And besides, maybe if you actually talked to Cartman you would see that there could… well, there could be more to the story than you thought."

"Stan, there's no more to the story. Cartman's just a selfish asshole and always has been. That hasn't changed."

Stan thought about this for a moment before a strange thought occurred to him.

"But if that's the case, if that's just the way he is and always was, then why do care at all? If you know that's just his personality, then wouldn't you have expected this type of reaction from him? I mean, yeah what he did was really shitty, but I guess I just don't understand why you're so surprised by it."

Kyle felt his face flushing and quickly buried his head in locker, pretending to look for a binder.

"I, I have to get to class Stan, I'm gonna be late for English. I'll see you at lunch."

And Kyle bounded down the hall rather conspicuously.

If Stan didn't know any better, he could've sworn that Kyle's face had been as red as his hair, if only for a moment.


	8. Chapter 8: This Circle

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Okay so I just want to start by saying that I love Catcher In The Rye, so if it looks like I'm dissing it in this chapter, that wasn't my intention. I'm just writing from Kyle's point of view. I figured they had to be reading something in English class, so I picked Catcher In The Rye because it's a book I'm very familiar with, so I'd have no problem talking about it. So I just wanted to clear that up. Wow I just wasted another paragraph at the beginning of a chapter. Do I ever shut up? 0_o

Also, this delay in updating has been worse than usual. And I know I apologize for this every time, but I'M REALLY SORRY. College applications suck so much. x_x;

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Kyle sat in English class, mindlessly copying down everything the teacher wrote on the board. There was no need to pay attention. He had already read Catcher In The Rye twice. But it's not as if he could have focused on Holden Caulfield's problems right now even if he'd wanted to. Kyle had his own problems to deal with. He'd always thought that Holden Caulfield was a whiny little bitch anyway. Yet Kyle had always loved the book for reasons that he couldn't explain. It didn't make any sense to Kyle that he would enjoy a novel in which he couldn't stand the main character.

_Maybe it's because nothing actually happens in that book. _

And this was partially true, considering that the novel was mostly just a compilation of Holden's personal thoughts. Sure there was plenty of angst and internal conflict, but not really any major plot twists. In a way, Kyle found this comforting because right now it seemed like his own life was nothing but one big plot twist after another.

_I guess it's time I let this go. Maybe Stan was right… maybe I should go talk to Cartman. Maybe I—NO! Talking to Cartman is not going to solve anything. It's only going to make it worse. I should just pretend everything's back to normal. Address him when necessary, respond angrily on queue. I can do this. I've been doing this every day for God knows how long. If all else fails, I can just rely on my verbal reflexes. _

"Verbal reflexes" was Kyle's personal term for the automated "Fuck you, fatass!" or "Fuck off, Cartman!" that had become habitual responses to Cartman's bigotry. Even though Kyle had been conditioned to respond this way without thinking, he wondered how long he could successfully keep up this whole "not giving a damn" charade. Apparently, he was already failing.

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Kenny glanced over at Kyle and it didn't take him long to notice that there was definitely something off about his friend today. Of course he had just gotten out of the hospital, but it appeared to be something deeper than that. The Kyle that Kenny knew would have been eager to catch up in school after having missed a week of classes. He would be raising his hand and participating every chance he got.

But the Kyle sitting three seats away from him was doing none of that. Although he seemed to be taking notes diligently, it was obvious that his thoughts were elsewhere. And it didn't take Kenny long to pinpoint the exact location of "elsewhere." Just by looking at Kyle's disgruntled expression, Kenny was sure he knew what, or rather _who, _was distracting Kyle from… wait, what book were they supposed to reading again? Kenny blamed Bebe's cleavage for his lack of knowledge of English Literature.

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While Kyle and Kenny were zoning out in English class, Stan and Cartman were preparing for a lab in Biology.

As Stan looked down at the fetal pig in front of him, he was positive that he would be scarred for life. He was also positive that he would be projectile-vomiting his breakfast all over the desk at any moment.

Not surprisingly, Cartman found this to be quite amusing.

"Don't be such a pussy, Stan. Here, I'll make the first incision for you."

Cartman picked up the knife that lay beside the pig on the large desk and slashed its stomach open.

At that moment, Stan hated Cartman almost as much as he hated dissection. Could he have possibly been stuck with a worse lab partner?

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When Kyle took his seat at the lunch table, Cartman and Kenny had already started eating.

"Where's Stan?" Kyle asked the other two boys as he glanced around the cafeteria. Wendy was sitting with Bebe, Red, and Heidi and Stan was nowhere to be found.

"Probably still puking his guts out in the nurse's office," Cartman chuckled to himself.

Kenny smirked. "Did Wendy get a new skirt or something?"

"No, actually we were dissecting fetal pigs in Biology."

Kyle cringed. He was definitely not looking forward to that.

Unfortunately for Kyle, Cartman noticed his unfavorable reaction.

"What's the matter, Jew? Afraid to touch anything that's not kosher?"

"Shut up, fatass! Dissecting animals is just fucking gross, that's all."

"Ooohh, someone's got sand in his vagina today."

"I said shut the fuck up, Cartman!"

Kenny thought this would be a good time to intercede. As entertaining as it was for him to watch those two go at it, he figured he should stop them before it got out of hand as usual.

"Okay guys, seriously, can we just eat our lunches like normal people today? I already have a headache from waking up to my Mom flipping a shit at my Dad this morning."

"Oh yeah, sorry dude," Kyle said to Kenny as he pretended to be interested in his lunch.

Cartman didn't say anything. But it was not as if Kyle and Kenny had expected him to apologize anyway.

Nor did they expect him to abruptly stand up, grab his tray, violently dump its contents in the garbage, and storm out of the cafeteria.

Kyle fidgeted in his seat uncomfortably as he was suddenly reminded of his own similar reaction to their pointless fight at Stark's Pond two weeks ago.

Why was it that everything always seemed to come full circle for them? It was a vicious cycle and Kyle wanted nothing more than to break it.


	9. Chapter 9: I Apologize

This chapter is dedicated to Bethany C. MacKenzie, ayafangirl, and Onigiri Reject because their reviews make my day. Thanks guys! xD

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Cartman raced down the hall, not bothering to look where he was going. He didn't even understand what had caused his dramatic exit in the first place. He finally found refuge in the boys' bathroom at the end of the hall on the first floor. It was the one bathroom that no one ever used. This was probably because none of the sinks worked properly and the walls reeked of mold. Nevertheless, Cartman felt safe there, knowing that no one would be coming in.

_What the hell is wrong with me? I can't keep acting like this or Kyle is going to start getting suspicious. Jesus Christ, it's like when he freaked out at me two weeks ago and… wait. That doesn't make any fucking sense! Why the fuck would that stupid Jew be acting this way too? _

Cartman knew it was wishful thinking, he really did. But he couldn't help but reserve the smallest inkling of hope that maybe, just maybe Kyle didn't hate him after all.

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Against his better judgment, Kyle excused himself from the lunch table, telling his friends that he still had some homework to finish for next period. In reality, however, Kyle went in search of Cartman. He didn't know why he would do such a thing, especially considering how just this morning he had resolved not to speak to Cartman unless it was absolutely necessary. Yet some strange, repressed part of Kyle's brain was telling him that he needed to find Cartman now. And for reasons he couldn't quite explain, Kyle listened.

He wasn't exactly sure where Cartman would have gone, but he had a guess. Kyle wished he didn't have this intuition because it was leading him somewhere that he definitely didn't want to go. Frankly, he didn't know why Cartman would want to either. Then again, Kyle was realizing that there were a lot of things that he didn't know right now. But that still didn't change the fact that this place was infamous for smelling like a combination of shit and rotten eggs. So Kyle took a deep breath, which he was hoping would last him for at least five minutes, and entered the abandoned boys' bathroom at the end of the hall.

As soon as he took a step inside, Kyle instantly regretted it. The smell was worse than he ever could have imagined. He knew his air supply wouldn't last more than thirty seconds, tops. But it was too late to turn back now. So Kyle held his nose and bent over to look beneath each stall. Finally, when he reached the last stall in the row, he recognized the familiar pair of legs standing behind the door.

"Cartman?" Kyle inquired tentatively.

Kyle heard the latch click and the rotted stall door swung open.

"Why the fuck are you in here, Jew?"

Upon first glance, it looked as if Cartman had been crying. The skin around his eyes was red and puffy and his jaw was clenched in a straight line. But Kyle knew better than to even entertain the thought.

"To be honest, I was looking for you, fatass."

Kyle figured that if he were going to be 'Jew' rather than 'Kyle' forever, then Cartman would be 'Fatass.' It was only fair.

"And why the hell would you be doing that?" Cartman looked genuinely shocked.

"Look, you just ran off. It was so unlike you that I figured something must be wrong or whatever."

"And this concerns you how?"

Kyle sighed. Cartman wasn't going to make this easy, was he? Kyle chastised himself for even thinking that Cartman would.

"No matter how much we hate each other, you're still my sort of 'friend' by default, I guess. So I have a right to ask you why you're acting this way."

"Well I don't want your fucking worthless 'default' friendship! If you're only here because you feel like it's required of you or something then you're just as much of an asshole as I apparently am!"

Kyle knew he should have felt guilty because overall, Cartman was right about that. But Kyle knew the real reason he went looking for Cartman, even if Cartman was completely in the dark. But when he looked Cartman in the eye again, he saw right through the angry mask to the hurt that dwelled below. Kyle's chest tightened and he swore he would pass out right there, mostly due to the smell that had just crept back into his senses again. Somehow it had been forgotten in the intensity of the conversation.

But he couldn't take it anymore. The smell, the mold, the rotting walls, the hidden pain in Cartman's face. It was too much. Kyle hit the tile floor with a soft thud, his last thoughts spent wondering how the room could possibly be spinning so fast.

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"Goddammit, not again! You Jews are cursed, I swear it! At least you're easy to lift."

Cartman picked Kyle up in one try, something he had grown accustomed to after having done it so many times, unbeknownst to Kyle of course.

Kyle trembled slightly in his arms.

_What the FUCK? It has to be at least seventy degrees in here and the fucker has his coat, gloves, and hat on! Jews are so fucking messed up. I need to get him the hell out of here._

But where to take him? He couldn't very well take him to the nurse. Too many questions would be asked. The same went for the hospital. So that left Cartman's own house. This made him slightly uncomfortable, but what other choice did he have? Besides, he wasn't particularly phased by the whole skipping school part. Kyle probably would be, but Cartman resolved to deal with that later. The class after lunch had started by now, so it was easy for Cartman to haul Kyle down the hall and out the door without being seen. Now came the tricky part: walking home. As light as Kyle was, Cartman wasn't sure if he would be able to keep going like this for two miles. Needless to say, many stops were made along the way.

About an hour and a half later, Cartman collapsed on the couch in his living room. Not knowing what to do with Kyle, Cartman had placed him in his own bed without thinking about the heart attack this could give Kyle when he awoke.

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"_So Kahl, I heard a rumor that you're secretly infatuated with me. I can't say I'm surprised, but unfortunately I'm not a fag. What a shame, I do enjoy making you squirm."_

Kyle's eyes shot open and relief washed over him as he realized that he was just dreaming. He rolled over onto his side, only to come face to face with Clyde Frog.

Kyle swallowed furiously in an attempt to suppress the scream that was currently building in his throat. He slowly lifted his body and angled himself so that he was propped up against the large blue pillow that rested on the headboard.

Kyle's gaze immediately fell on the oversized Mel Gibson poster that had been strategically placed on the wall directly in front of the bed.

_Yeah, this is definitely Cartman's room. But why? And HOW?_

Kyle's memory finally began to catch up with him, however vaguely.

_I found Cartman in the bathroom… he was being a douche as usual, but he looked upset for some reason. And then I said something stupid that hurt him, but he tried to hide it and oh God, the smell was so bad and then…_

_I passed out._

Kyle stood up shakily, not wanting to believe that it was true. Yet at the same time, he knew there was really no other possible explanation for these strange and very uncomfortable circumstances.

_I must have. It's the only thing that even remotely makes sense. Wait, what time is it? And how did I even get here?!_

Just as Kyle reached for the doorknob, it twisted and the door swung open inwardly, almost whacking Kyle in the face.

"Oh you're awake. It's about fucking time! It's already 4:00. Your bitch mom is probably calling the police as we speak to file a missing persons report or some shit like that. I wonder if—"

"Hold on a damn minute! I know I passed out after I found you, but I still don't understand how the _fuck_ I ended up here!"

Kyle was impatiently waiting for an explanation and there was no way that Cartman was going to admit to _carrying _Kyle for two miles in the middle of the day. At least everyone they knew had been in school. Cartman was glad he didn't have to worry about his classmates having seen such a spectacle.

"I hitched a ride."

"WHAT?"

"Well I couldn't take you to the freaking nurse because then it would look like I tried to kill you or something. I would have just left you in the bathroom, but someone would have found you eventually and traced it back to me. So I hitched a ride."

"With _who_?!"

"I don't know, just some random guy who happened to be driving in this general direction. Good thing he didn't turn out to be some freaky perv or I'd probably be locked up in a basement somewhere right now."

"Jesus Christ, Cartman!"

"Chill out, Kahl. You wouldn't have been in any danger because not even a pedophile would want your Jewish ass anyway."

"You know what? Fuck you. I can't believe I even thought about thanking you for bringing me here or apologizing for hurting your feelings earlier. Who am I kidding? You don't _have_ any fucking feelings!"

Kyle immediately hated himself for even partially meaning those words. He couldn't look at Cartman for fear of seeing the same angry, yet hurt expression from their previous encounter.

Kyle knew he should say something resembling an apology, but instead he pushed passed Cartman and started to make his way home.


	10. Chapter 10: Believe Me I'm Lying

Cartman stood in his doorway dumbfounded.

_What the fuck just happened?_

Had Kyle just run away from one of their heated arguments? Impossible. But it was true. Kyle hadn't even slammed the door on his way out, meaning that the only sound ringing in Cartman's ears was Kyle's furious voice saying those final words before his exit.

"_You know what? Fuck you. I can't believe I even thought about thanking you for bringing me here or apologizing for hurting your feelings earlier. Who am I kidding? You don't _have_ any fucking feelings!"_

But that wasn't even the worst part. The worst part was that Cartman knew he had brought it upon himself. He had lied to Kyle again, which could only result in Kyle hating him even more. But hadn't that been Cartman's goal all along? In order to hide his own secret, Cartman _needed_ Kyle to hate him. But that didn't mean he_ wanted_ Kyle to. Cartman was sure that by driving Kyle away he could save himself. However, like most of his plans, it seemed to be backfiring.

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When Kyle arrived at his own house, he tried his best to slip through the door and up the stairs to his room unseen. Apparently today just wasn't his lucky day. His mother was sitting on the living room couch and leapt to her feet as soon as Kyle set one foot through the door.

"Where have you been, young man? It's almost 4:30! You've got some explaining to do!"

Kyle sighed. Time to get creative. It seemed as if all he had done in the past week was lie to everyone he knew. He felt like he was taking a page from Cartman's book, which was not something he was particularly proud of.

"Sorry mom. I went to Kenny's house after school to help him with his math homework. I know I should have called, but I just forgot. It won't happen again."

To Kyle's relief, his mother seemed to be relatively satisfied with this story.

"Well I guess I don't have a problem with you helping your friends with their schoolwork since you _are_ at the top of your class. But you better call next time! You had me worried sick. I was just about to call the police when you walked through the door."

Kyle's composure almost escaped him completely.

_Damn Cartman for always being right! I can't believe she was actually going to report me missing when she could have just fucking called me on my cell phone! Then again, I wouldn't exactly have been able to answer. Ugh, fuck this._

"Uh yeah, I promise I'll call next time. I gotta go do my homework now."

Kyle left out the part where he hadn't been at school since lunch and didn't actually know what all of his homework was. He figured his best bet would be to call Stan since they had Geometry and US History together after lunch.

After the third ring, Stan finally picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hey Stan, it's me."

"Kyle! Where the hell were you today? Kenny said Cartman wasn't in class after lunch either. Did you guys go somewhere?"

"Um…"

It was too difficult for Kyle to lie anymore, especially to his best friend.

"Kyle? Are you there?"

_I guess he's just going to end up finding out later anyway._

"Yeah. I kind of went to look for Cartman after he left the cafeteria."

"What? Why?"

Stan was utterly confused now. Why would Kyle give a damn where Cartman went?

"I just felt bad, okay? I know it's weird, but I felt like it was my fault."

"You mean you think it was about the whole ignoring him thing?"

"Yeah, something like that. I found him in the abandoned boys' bathroom. But the smell was so bad that I passed out."

Kyle figured it wasn't technically lying if he only left out some of the more awkward details.

"Jesus! I can't believe you went in there, that place is fucking sick. But if you passed out there, how did you get home?"

_Shit. I forgot about that part._

But what was there left for Kyle to say, other than the truth?

"Cartman sort of… brought me to his house."

Stan tried to conceal his shock, but was rather unsuccessful.

"_How_?"

"Apparently he hitched a ride with some random guy."

Still holding the phone to his ear, Stan pinched the bridge of his nose with his free hand.

"Now _that _sounds like Cartman."

The two boys couldn't help but laugh a little at the truth in this statement.

Then Kyle suddenly remembered why he had actually called.

"Um since I left and all, would you mind telling me our Geometry and History homework?"

"Sure. For Geometry we have to finish all the problems on page 166 in the book and the History homework is to study for the test."

"Oh right. The test. I almost forgot about that. I guess I better go study then. Thanks, Stan."

"Don't worry about it. And Kyle?"

"Yeah?"

"You know you can tell me anything, right?"

Kyle was silent for a moment. He didn't want to have that conversation right now. He found himself being thankful that he could use the test as an excuse.

"Yeah, I know. I seriously have to go now, though. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay, see you."

Stan knew Kyle was trying to avoid talking about whatever had been bothering him for the past few weeks. It was pretty obvious. But Stan didn't really see what he could do about it right now, so he figured he might as well study too.

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After Kyle hung up with Stan, he found that his anger was slowly morphing into guilt. Not only for avoiding Stan, but also for the things he had said to Cartman only about an hour ago.

_Maybe I was little harsh… Cartman was only trying to help me, in his own way. I should've at least controlled my temper a bit better._

Kyle wanted to run back, he really did. He wanted to knock on Cartman's door, hug him, and thank him for saving his life. But he couldn't. Because even if it had been Kyle who ran away this time, there was a part of him that had been hoping, wishing that Cartman would chase after him, try to stop him. The fact that Cartman had just stood there only confirmed everything that Kyle didn't want to believe.

_He still hates me. But why am I so surprised? The fact that he saved my life doesn't mean a fucking thing. It was one time, for crying out loud. The only reason he did it was to save his own ass anyway. _

Kyle tilted his head back, willing the tears to fall into his eyes rather than down his face. How many times had he cried because of Cartman in the sixteen years of their existence? Kyle decided it was more than one too many.

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Cartman broke his window again. This seemed to happen every time he was angry. He would throw things all around his room and something would always end up hitting the window. It didn't really bother him that much, though. It wasn't as if _he_ would be paying for it. Besides, he was used to the cold.

What bothered him was _why_ he was angry. How much anger had he wasted on that stupid Jew since they met? Cartman knew it was far too much to add up. Kyle had no right to treat him that way. He had no right to glare at him with those beautiful green eyes and—

_What the FUCK?!_ _No, I hate his eyes! I HATE them. GODDAMMIT!_

Cartman's fist smashed into the wall, causing little flakes of plaster to rain down onto the carpet.

For some reason, this gave him immediate relief.

But just as Cartman was finally calming down, his gaze fell on his bedroom door, still slightly ajar from when he had started to chase after Kyle before deciding against it. What was the point? Kyle wouldn't have stopped.

_But I could've made him. I could've kicked his ass like he deserved. I could've grabbed him and pushed him to the ground and—_

Cartman's lamp smashed through the other half of the window.


	11. Chapter 11: All Downhill From Here

Happy Holidays, everyone! The first sentence of this chapter kind of sums up my feelings on how long it took me to update. Two weeks? Are you serious? Midterms really, really suck. However, I am officially accepted to college now, so applications are no longer an excuse. And Winter Break began last week, so I should be updating faster. The key word there is _should_. I tend to fail at these things sometimes.

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_This is ridiculous. Absolutely fucking ridiculous. _

Kyle couldn't understand how someone he thought he hated for so many years could make him feel the conflicting emotions he was feeling now. Was there really any point in trying to resist it anymore? Kyle didn't think so. He had been fighting this losing battle for far too long now. All that was left to do was suffer in silence.

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Somehow, it was now Friday. Kenny wasn't exactly sure how the week could have flown by so quickly, but he wasn't going to question it. And he sure as hell wasn't going to complain about it either.

He was, however, going to complain about his friends. Two of them, to be exact.

_Cartman is so goddamn stubborn! If he would just tell Kyle the truth, he may actually get what he wants. And I don't think Kyle has been telling the truth either. The way he sneaks glances at Cartman in the hall while still trying to avoid him… it just doesn't add up._

Kenny was starting to think that what had happened to Kyle in the hospital was more of a fantasy than a hallucination.

Immediately, a smirk made its way onto Kenny's hidden face.

_Kyle, you little liar._

English class just got a lot more interesting.

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Kyle pretended to follow along with his English teacher in _Catcher In The Rye_, but this proved to be more difficult than it should have been. For one, his mind was on other things. Namely, Cartman.

Also, he found this part of the book to be especially frustrating. Holden was reflecting on Jane Gallagher, a girl he used to play chess with and had really liked. It had always disappointed Kyle that Holden never got up the nerve to reconnect with Jane at the end, but then Catcher in the Rye wasn't really that kind of book.

Nevertheless, he didn't feel like analyzing this particular passage at the moment, so he flipped through the pages absentmindedly until his heart nearly stopped as his eyes rested on a certain paragraph in Chapter Three.

"_I'm the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life. It's awful. If I'm on my way to the store to buy a magazine, even, and somebody asks me where I'm going, I'm liable to say I'm going to the opera. It's terrible."_

Why did everything have to relate back to Eric Cartman, First Class Liar Extraordinaire?

That was a question that Kyle still didn't have an answer to.

It suddenly dawned on Kyle that maybe this was the reason he had always hated those 'Choose Your Own Ending' books that everyone used to read: they had no set answers. Kyle had enough ambiguity in his life without subjecting himself to it in his free time. Besides, those books were totally unrealistic. If life were actually like that, Kyle would have 'chosen his own ending' a long time ago.

In Kyle's opinion, it didn't really make a difference what this ending would have been, seeing as it was never going to happen anyway.

_Wishful thinking._

Those words had become all too familiar in the past three weeks.

"Kyle Broflovski!"

Kyle was forced to snap out of his musings, not that he could say he really minded.

"Yes, Ms. Williams?"

"Would you care to answer the question that I have so patiently asked you three times?"

"Oh uh yeah, sorry. Um… Holden was always fascinated with how Jane kept her kings in the back row every time they played chess."

"Very good, Kyle. I was under the impression that you weren't paying attention."

Kyle breathed a sigh of relief. For the first time in awhile, he was thankful that he had read this book so many times already. And of course that Ms. Williams' questions were always so predictable.

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"Stan, you can stop turning green now. The worst is over, you fucking pussy."

Stan and Cartman had finished dissecting the fetal pig in Biology earlier that week, so now all that was left was the lab write-up. However, just the thought of the whole procedure was enough to make Stan sick all over again.

"Dude, shut up. This is fucking disgusting and any normal person would agree with me."

"Well then I guess no one in this class is normal," Cartman responded as he gestured around the room where their other classmates were diligently checking measurements and writing their conclusion paragraphs. The lingering stench of dead pig didn't seem to bother anyone else in the slightest.

"Ugh, whatever. Let's just get this done."

Stan held his nose with his left hand and began organizing their data into a small chart with his right. This was going to be a long 45 minutes.

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Cartman peered over Stan's shoulder as Stan formulated some sort of data table. At least this way, it would appear as if Cartman were paying attention to his partner's work.

In actuality, Cartman didn't find this lab report to be the least bit interesting. Sure it was entertaining to watch Stan try to hold his nose while simultaneously filling out a chart, but with Cartman's short attention span, even another person's discomfort couldn't always keep him focused for long. Depending on the person, of course. The pain of certain people had the potential to keep Cartman entertained for hours. Because it wasn't always just about their pain, it was how they reacted to it, how they dealt with it.

Perhaps Cartman didn't find Stan to be very amusing because Stan was quite good at handling difficult situations. He could still be a total crybaby at times, but when it came down to it, he was pretty practical and in Cartman's opinion, this made his reactions all too predictable and boring overall.

Kyle, on the other hand, was a different story entirely. Although he was also practical, his temper sometimes led his actions to be rather unpredictable, and as of late, without clear motive.

But for Cartman, this was all part of Kyle's appeal. Kyle was probably one of the only people that never bored Cartman. He could argue back and forth with the redhead for hours and never get tired of it.

This was probably why Cartman didn't find Biology very interesting: it was one of the few periods that he didn't share with Kyle.

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By lunchtime, the boys had pretty much given up on trying to pay attention in their classes. Then again, no one really paid attention to anything on Fridays. Especially not in the afternoon when the weekend was just too close to think about anything else.

The four friends spent the first half of the lunch period eating in silence, either because they were all incredibly hungry, or because none of them could really think of anything to say.

The latter explanation seemed the most likely. Kyle didn't want to say anything that might provoke Cartman and cause another awkward fight, Cartman didn't want to say anything to Kyle that would make him suspicious, Stan didn't want to acknowledge the awkward silence at all, and Kenny didn't want to break the tension because he found it rather amusing. So no one made an attempt to even make small talk.

That is, until Cartman's foot accidently hit Kyle in the shin. The lunch tables really were quite small.

Kyle, assuming that Cartman had done this on purpose, completely forgot about his reasons for preventing any type of confrontation between the two of them.

"Dammit, Cartman! What the hell was that for?"

"What the fuck are you bitching about now, Jew?"

"You just kicked me, asshole!"

"Oh Jesus, chill the fuck out. It wasn't even on purpose."

"Like hell it wasn't!"

"Be serious, Kahl. Do you honestly think I'd voluntarily infect myself with your filthy Jew germs?"

_I wish._

"Shut up! Just shut the fuck up! I am not dealing with this today!

By now, Stan was clutching the bridge of his nose in frustration while Kenny looked on as if he were watching an extremely exciting football game.

_Here we go again. How long before someone snaps?_

Kenny immediately got his answer. He watched in awe as Kyle threw a punch at Cartman's stomach and ran out the emergency exit at the back of the cafeteria. Cartman took a second to recover, but was soon right behind Kyle.

Kenny couldn't help but grin at the sight.

_Oh, Kyle. Don't you know that you can't run away forever?_


	12. Chapter 12: Control

Wow, this took forever once again. And once again, I'm truly sorry. I hope it was worth the wait! Chapter 13 will be coming soon, as long as I don't have much homework this week.

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Before he knew it, Kyle found himself slumped over in the snow, surrounded by a strange sense of déjà vu. He was in the exact same position he had been in before Cartman found him several weeks ago and engaged him the argument that had ultimately led to the accident.

As the incident replayed itself in Kyle's mind, he began to feel slightly confused. Kenny's story didn't make as much sense as he once thought it had.

_Cartman was standing right there! I definitely couldn't have been standing in the road for that long. Even if he turned to walk away, he would've heard the truck when it came. I was right all along then. He _did _leave me to die! _

Kyle's eyes began to well up with tears, tears he wasn't even going to try to hide until he heard heavy footsteps directly behind him.

"Seriously Kahl, this whole running away thing is starting to get old."

Kyle was beyond controlling himself now. It just wasn't fair. Cartman managed to push him over the edge every time.

"Why the fuck do you care? Just go inside and leave me to die in some freak accident. Maybe you'll get lucky and it will actually work this time!"

"What the fuck are you talking about? Lucky? You stupid Jew, do you really think I want you to die?"

"Well considering the fact that you were willing to let me get hit by a truck, yes I fucking do."

"Oh Jesus Christ, is that what this is about? I thought Kenny told you—"

"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT KENNY TOLD ME!!" Kyle had completely lost it now and showed no signs of calming down. "It's obvious it was a lie! You left me there, you wanted me to die so you could—"

"I FUCKING SAVED YOU, ASSHOLE!!" Cartman shouted at a volume that was equal to, if not greater than Kyle's.

But it was not the loudness of Cartman's voice that made Kyle pause in shock. It was the words he had said.

"…What?"

"Nothing," Cartman muttered, his voice now barely audible as he stared at the ground.

"No, you said you saved me! I'm tired of all these stupid lies between us. I want the truth, Cartman. This isn't fair."

Cartman sighed, defeated.

_What the hell, I might as well just fucking get it over with. It's not like he'll believe me anyway. Stupid fucking Jew, _he's _the one who's not being fair!_

"I just kind of pushed you out of the way, okay? I obviously wasn't quite fast enough, but it was enough to save your ass, I guess."

Cartman finally looked up into Kyle's face and was met with an expression that appeared to be a mixture of confusion, disbelief, and… longing?

"You know, you could be a little more grateful, Jew."

"But _why_?"

"Because I saved your life, dipshit!"

"No, I mean _why did you save me_?"

"It doesn't fucking matter."

"Yes it does because you've always wanted me dead! Now tell me why! For once could you just—"

Kyle never finished that sentence because Cartman had grabbed him by the shoulders and pressed their lips together. Kyle knew he should push Cartman away, but he didn't really want to. And without realizing it, he started kissing him back. But all too soon, Cartman pulled back, ending the moment. After a brief second of awkward silence, Cartman spoke again.

"That's why."

"What are you talking about?" Kyle was even more confused now than he was before, if that were even possible.

"I mean that's why I saved you, dumbass."

"What?!"

"Jesus Kahl, do I have to fucking spell it out for you?"

"But you hate me! And… and I hate you!"

Cartman smirked. "It's possible to feel more than just hate for someone, Jew. I thought you were supposed to be the smart one. Besides, you obviously don't hate me _that_ much, seeing as you were such a willing participant just now."

Kyle didn't know what to say to this because Cartman was right about that. Kyle really hadn't put up much of a fight. In fact, he feared that he welcomed Cartman's advances a little too eagerly. He didn't want to give the impression of desperation. Being vulnerable in front of Cartman was never a good idea.

Due to the overwhelming amount of confusion that was now circulating in Kyle's brain, it took him a minute to register the rest of what Cartman had just said.

_Wait… did he just say he has feelings for me? Feelings other than hate? _

"Kahl, you're shivering."

Kyle snapped back to reality at the sound of his name. He then noticed that Cartman was still clutching him close, almost possessively.

"Oh, I am? I didn't notice. I guess I'm just kind of cold."

Cartman raised his eyebrows skeptically. "You have on a coat, hat, and gloves. Plus, it's warmer than usual today."

Cartman was instantly reminded of the day he listened to Kyle's heartbeat as Kyle slept in the hospital bed. At that moment, something clicked in Cartman's mind and he reached out and brushed his fingers against Kyle's cheek. Kyle's entire body began to quiver, confirming Cartman's theory.

A crooked smile quickly made its way across the larger boy's face.

"You're not cold. You were never cold. You shiver whenever I touch you!"

To say that Cartman was enjoying this would be an understatement. He loved nothing more than knowing that he alone had the power to make Kyle's body react this way. The slightest touch gave him complete control.

Cartman then turned his attention back to Kyle, who was blushing profusely.

"I do not!"

"Oh really?"

Cartman wrapped his arm forcefully around Kyle's waist, drawing him back against his chest and a brief convulsion shot through Kyle's body. The involuntary shiver caused Kyle's jacket to ride up slightly in the back, meaning that Cartman's hand was now touching his bare skin. It was too much. Kyle abruptly jerked away.

"What the hell, Kahl? Just admit it, it will make everything so much easier."

"No, I will not admit it because it's not true!"

"Oh please! You can't deny it now, not after I just proved myself right. Would you like me to demonstrate again?" Cartman began to reach his arm toward Kyle once more.

"No! It's just fucking cold out, alright? Maybe you're not freezing, but I am."

"Well it wasn't freezing in the bathroom when fucking I picked you up and it wasn't—" Cartman instantly clamped his mouth shut for the second time in the last five minutes. Not even proving his point would be worth this revelation. But he knew it was too late. He had already said too much.

"Cartman… what… what are you talking about?"

"Nothing," Cartman mumbled just as he had earlier. But this time he was pretending to be interested in a particularly dirty patch of snow on the ground.

"But you just said—"

"For fuck sakes, Kahl! You can never let anything go, can you? I didn't hitch a fucking ride the day you passed out, alright? I just sort of… carried you back to my house and waited for you to wake up."

"You're kidding."

"No dumbass, I'm not. And it's your own goddamn fault for being so weak in the first place! I wouldn't have to keep humiliating myself like this if you could just fucking take care of yourself for once."

Kyle's jaw nearly unhinged itself. "You're telling the truth this time, aren't you?"

"Yes, unfortunately. A fucking 'thank you' would be nice."

"Jesus Cartman, that's like three miles! How did you—?"

"Actually it's only two, Jew boy. Besides, I'm a lot stronger than you give me credit for."

Kyle was still in too much shock to respond with any kind of witty retort. All he could manage to saw was, "You… you really do care about me, don't you?"

Rather than give a clear answer, Cartman averted his gave back to the dirty patch of snow. However, the sanguine color of his cheeks was the only confirmation Kyle needed.

After about a minute, Kyle finally spoke again.

"So what happens now?"

"I don't know. I don't fucking know."


End file.
